god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
