Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
