cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
