What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
only you would photoshop your dick
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
