I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
