Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
