there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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