You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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