The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
