yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
