I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
only if we run a train.
done.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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