Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
