your room smells of hookers.
And success
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
