yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
