Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
