help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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