Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
