Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
