You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
