The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
