So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
