I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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