You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
