Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
