Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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