hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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