508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
