a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Church boner. Awkwardddd
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
