also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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