I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
