he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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