my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
