so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
