The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
