is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I can't turn off my feet"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
