Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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