We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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