the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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