: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
