Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
