I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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