My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
