I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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