Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
