I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
