really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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