Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
