Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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