Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
