so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
